Welcome the clueless website speed optimizers

 

Arrogance and hilarious statements

arrogant speed optimizer

 

 

Clueless Amateurs in a deeply technical subject

All right. I can't help myself. I've been laughing my socks off when I read those comments. A little background first. I've been doing SEO for 13 years. I was part of a team of two in a Fortune 500 US company (Westernunion.com) working from its Bank branch in Vienna, Austria. I've met many amateurs on SEO within the company, and outside of it in other companies (marketing companies in Germany and Austria, the UK, France, and the US). All and all it has been a good laugh except their tactics were not funny, but highly questionable, risky and some controversial, raising eye brows and all but all, ineffective. But they claimed they were SEO experts, so what the point of changing their parallel reality? Seriously, one was a clueless content manager, another one was a black-hat SEO, a third one, a PPC specialist, see where all this goes? Is this a strong SEO team or a clueless band of whatever?

How is the above related to this page topic?

The point I'm trying to make is that for someone who knows the SEO industry, the SEO topic became so popular that every webmaster felt they had grasped it a bit or more. To this feeling contributed the easiness of building a WordPress blog and the rise of WP SEO plugins and online spam services, which promised a paradise full of traffic, leads, revenue, all missed by the above amateur SEOs regardless of how deep their pockets were. It's risky to me at least, when I see people with absolutely no technical background jumping in the SEO market fever. Hell, even today, after so many years clueless programmers and developers can't do SEO, why should an accountant, a fashion influencer, or a puppy trainer be able to master it?

I'm not talking about Mensa people here, all these were ordinary people. Yet, they were eager to try everything and too arrogant to take advice from a professional (much less pay for it!). Why? Because they thought they knew everything from experiencing their their parallel SEO reality.

Then their voices became so loud and managed to wake up the sleeping giant (Google) who took a swing and bashed their sites to ruins with a host of updates. That's why it's funny!

 

As I said, I have seen this movie

Now, the same story again. Google rolled out the Page Experience update that plays a role in ranking websites and it started a landslide. Clueless people jump on the roller coaster only this time there's no harm for their sites because already speed-broken. I was expecting the new trend to start on September 2020 but it took longer to reach the shores. Meaning, clueless people coming en masse on the forums looking for a way out of their speeds broken. They do that now, a year later but again with arrogance. Nobody has learned a thing from the previous SEO cycle. That part was also expected. Where you find the quantity, quality goes off the window, "buy cheap buy twice", so typical.

The clueless arrogant portrays himself again as an expert speed optimizer, too busy to work on their sources of revenue, inventing pathetic excuses like "I could do it but I don't have the time to do it" the same pathetic statements they used for SEO. Or a preposterous "it shouldn't take too long" because the clueless guy knows better how much time is needed. And the arrogant guy knows exactly how much it costs (a low-price project most of the time) because he dreamt about it and his "guardian angel" said to him that he's right to assume so (he should have consulted his shrink instead). And it's funny again .

hilarious speed statements

 

Some companies have big development teams that fails to do the technical speed optimization part and have no strategy (same as with SEO, no clue, no strategy, no technical skills) so they are drooling for checklists, education, or over-the-shoulder sessions to learn everything with no sweat. Watching the same play again and again.

 

The Bottom line

This time the clueless arrogants can pursue their goals without risk for their sites. After all, they start from terrible website speeds and won't fix it any time soon with this attitude, so back to square one in a few days or weeks, it can't get worse as it does with SEO. They will still be getting the search console warnings about their broken speed anyway, no luck there. For the clueless speed optimizers, all it takes is to find a pro to do it who's patient enough to tolerate all the BS from them.

I'm not tolerant enough and typically reject working on their sites, listen to their amateur suggestions on how to do my job or allow those who try to throw bait (usually peanuts) to come in with an allegedly "project" phishing for instructions and know-how just to learn my job (many have already tried it, I get this kind of requests once a month).